Sometimes it's okay to cry
by Primevalrocx
Summary: When Rory dies it is up to the doctor to comfort Amy. In doing so, they both admit how they really feel for each other. But can the doctor afford to love? Oneshot. Warning: Theme of death throughout. Eleven/Amy, Hints of Rory/Amy.


**A/N: Heyy, its been a long time since I've written any Fanfic, and last night I just felt like writing this short little oneshot. I love Rory, but Amy/Eleven will always be my OTP and I've never written anything for them before. I warn every Rory fan, that this is sad. But I had to write this. I'm sorry if there are similar stories to this out there. I've never read any doctor who fanfiction surprisingly, so I apologize if anyone has ever made anything they feel to be similar.**

He looked over at her and slipped his hand into hers. He heard the quiet whimpers that were struggling to escape from her mouth and felt her pain jolting through him.

"It's okay to cry" he whispered in her ear and she looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. He put his arms around her body and he felt her shake, as she tried not to scream.

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. This wasn't how her life was meant to go. His Amelia pond. She was meant to live well, laugh, have children, go out for picnics, feed ducks. Anything with Rory or whoever else would make her happy. And eventually, one day, she would forget about him. Well, maybe not forget entirely for he knew they never did. The people he stole away from normality, never seemed to recover. But here was the women he... _loved _struggling not to scream in his arms as her dead husbands body lay next to them.

He knew it was wrong, but he did enjoy the feel of her arms around him. Had it been in better circumstances he would have savoured the moment. However as he stood there, their bodies entangled, the doctor could only wish that the man that she had fallen in love with was standing there too. She would be holding his hand, hugging him, kissing him, and although this would hurt the doctor, at least she would be happy. For that's all that he wanted.

He felt her sobs lessen against him, and he loosened his grip on her. He gave her one of his forehead kisses that he preserved directly for her. She looked into his eyes and seeing the pain in hers a tear trickled down his cheek. Rory had been his friend too after all.

He took her hand and led her to a new bedroom in the Tardis. Taking her to her old room would only bring back memoires of the one she loved, which right now he knew she couldn't handle. He could have taken her to his room, left her there and slept somewhere else himself. But that just felt wrong. Like he was dishonouring Rory somehow.

He placed her gently on the bed and found a hot water bottle warm on the side. The Tardis always knew what people needed, so the doctor took off her shoes and placed the bottle full of warmth in her arms. He soothed her hair, calming her down as she wept. He could hear her gulping, trying to stop the flow of tears. He knew she would be all right now. He gave her another forehead kiss, and stroked his hand down her face.

It was only then that he realised his other hand was still in hers. A shiver ran down his spine as he realised how close they were, but he shrugged it off. Now wasn't the time. He began to remove his hand from hers but she tightened her hold.

"Amelia" He whispered smoothly, "You need to get some rest now. I'm sorry. I truly am. But right now you need sleep. You're exhausted" The doctor tried once again to remove his hand from hers, but she only clasped his hand even more. "Amelia, you need to let go now"

"Stay" she whispered back through her sobs. "stay with me please. I can't face being alone"

"I can't. I'm sorry." he replied, knowing if he stayed he would only do something he would regret. However as he got up to leave the room, he heard the click of the door. Even his Tardis wanted him to stay. Was forcing him to stay. He bowed his head and rejoined Amy on the bed.

She snuggled up next to him, and the warmth from her body made his two hearts beat a little faster. He ignored them and reminded himself that his best friend lay dead in the room next door. He only had to last one night with the women he loved lying next to him and he was determined not to do anything reckless.

"How did you cope?" she asked him, breathing calmly now.

"What do you mean?" he replied, confused as to what she was referencing.

"You lost someone you loved didn't you. Rose. You told me about her on that night when we sat by the console and discussed everyone you'd travelled with. You explained what happened to her, when she got stuck and how it had felt. How did you carry on after that?"

"Oh, Amelia" he whispered softly into her hair. "When you get to 900 years the only thing you feel any more is pain. My friends are the only ones who can stop the pain for a time. Help me to forget the terrible things I've done, and the amazing people that I've lost. My friends bring out hope inside me and make me happy for a while. But when they're gone its even worse. That's the burden of the time lords. So no, I didn't cope after rose... or anyone else for that matter. But I'm far past coping any more."

"it must be terribly lonely, being a time lord" she whispered back, craning her neck to look into his eyes. "Knowing that you can never love anyone"

"I can love people. They just can't love me. Or they can't be with me. They would grow up, get old and die and I'd still look the same. Imagine the effect that has on people"

"I don't need to. I met you when I was 7 years old, and you came back, years later, the same man from my dreams. The same face, the same foolish grin, even the same bloody outfit. Rory knew that he would never fill your space. He knew that I idolized you, cared for you, loved you..."

The doctor sat upright and pushed Amy off him. "What did you just say?" he asked, not daring to believe in the words that had just fell from her mouth.

"It doesn't matter" she said, her cheeks turning red. She glanced down at the floor trying to avoid looking into his eyes. The doctor moved over to her again, and took her face in his hands.

"What did you say?" he whispered, his eyes meeting with hers.

"I... I love you" she replied with a whisper. "But I can't... not now. Rory has been dead for a few hours and I loved him. I truly did. But my heart has always been split. Right from fish fingers and custard all those years ago. You were the man who left and Rory was the man who stayed through it all. The man I knew I was safe with. With you, I had no idea what was coming next. And you know what? I loved that. The idea of spending a life with you was what I dreamed about at night. But at the end of the day, Rory was who was waiting for me, whilst I was waiting for you"

"Amy... I wish I could changed what happened all those years ago. But I can't. I love you too. You need to know that. But you're right. This now, would not be right or respectful for Rory. We both need to mourn him and eventually try to move on. But you can't move on with me, I can't put you through that. I can't put myself through that."

"Doctor, don't you see. You talk about your friends being the ones who help you through the pain. Let me help. I know I can't help forever, but I can at least make enough of an impression to try and remove it for now. We both know that I'll need time to adjust without him. It still hasn't quite hit me that he's gone, and when it does I know I won't be prepared. But you can help me through that, just as I can help you through your pain. And maybe, when it doesn't hurt quite so much, this could develop. But right now, you're are my best friend. I love you, and I need you. Just like you need me"

The doctor looked into her eyes, thinking about what she had just said. "You're right. I do need you. I need you to help me, just as much as I need to help you." He heard the door click again behind him and smiled. It seemed he had done what the Tardis had wished him to do. "Goodnight Pond" he said, and placed a small kiss on her lips. Then he left the room, a small trace of a smile on his lips.

They may not be perfect but they were who they were. The doctor and the girl who waited, travelling through time and space, and slowly, but surely, falling in love.

**A/N: This story has not been read by a beta or anything so I apologize for any mistakes. I also apologize for how bad this storyline is. If you want to review please do (I'm not forcing you, but it would be nice aha) I'm happy to accept any constructive criticism too :) **

**Abbie x**


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